I actually worked the red carpet this year and promised not to post any social media like a good girl which was not hard, promise. I was super busy running my ass off in my black Jordan’s w/ my rhinestone jaguar shoe clips. I also wore a plunge neck strapless dress w/ a tulle skirt and a vegan “motorcycle” jacket. How the other people wore heels and flats, I have no clue, guess they were misinformed? I’d say out of shape, too, but I can’t talk bc I’m just coming back from breaking my ankle in December. So.

I had a long chat with my friend afterwards while we were both falling asleep bc it was very important we go over the artwork from the evening. This year’s Costume Institute Gala Benefit theme was “Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology.” Many took it literally and added some metal/lights/mirrors/hinges or some rendition of them. Others didn’t bother to adhere to the theme and sported flowery garb or velvet. Some looked like they were at the wrong party altogether (Ahem, Grimes–Girl. Come on.)

Here are my top 5 (in no particular order, pics below):

1) Claire Danes + Zac Posen

2) Poppy Delevingne + Marchesa

3) Kate Hudson + Versace

4) Rita Ora + Vera Wang

5) Karlie Kloss + Brandon Maxwell

Fuck yes, Ladies, way to be Women and sacrifice comfortable walking, sitting, dancing, eating, EVERYTHING, to look gorgeous. I’m old school like that. You shouldn’t be able to do your everyday things in gowns. NO. If that were the way it was, everyone would be flipping omelettes, doing squats, and grocery shopping in them. But we don’t. Granted, most of these people don’t do any of this stuff anyways, but you catch what I’m throwing at you…

1) Claire: She looked like Cinderella. This thing was huge. And classically beautiful. But demure if you could call a 10 foot diameter gown such. While on the carpet, I could see something going on with the hems, like, fiber optic-y and my heart skipped a beat…but then I saw video from later in the evening…WHAT?!? THAT SHIT GLOWED (press play). Do tequila shots.

Magic moments!! Zacposen #metgala #clairedanes

A video posted by @zacposen on

2) Poppy: Machina all the way! This dress probably weighed more than she does, but, I’m sure its budget of Coke Zero and cigarettes is less.

3) Kate: Hinges & Organza. And props for the awkward posing with Gaga. I mean, who knows what that girl is gonna do next. Act? Wear pants???

4) Rita: Feathers, Metallics, & Mirrors (The mirrors were in her hair–no one got a good shot of that part, unfortunately) w/ a bunch of beautiful brown skin showing. Vera Wang walked with her but they held each other up. It was endearing, especially because you could tell Ms. Wang isn’t one for the spotlight. 

5) Karlie: Drool. I would have worn this dress. Basically, that means, it is SO my own personal style. It’s classy, sexy, but still able to be geometric in a symmetrical way. If you saw my apartment, you’d get how symmetry is super important in my life–physically and mentally. Also, the back of this dress is Gorgeous. And then, for the afterparty melée they CUT IT (bc she spilt red wine on it??? I don’t think so). Instead of a complete costume change, they just snipped it into a mini and added a caped blazer (my love). Still looks amazing.



There were a few funny moments but I don’t want to air everybody out: Uma’s buttcrack, Jennifer’s body paint & sparkle lotion, and the gauche moments of pawing & posing between Kate & Gaga (She’s not acting right now so she’s back to her 14″ platforms & undies? IDK, I can’t keep up with her faces. Not hating, she just changes things up a lot.)


Finally, thank you to the men (the husbands, dates or stylists) who were on the floor, airing out and fixing those trains to make these Women look perfect. Hats off to your dedication to Her, the promised kisses to your nether regions later, or the Look. These Women couldn’t have shown so sweetly without you. Above, please find the next 007, Idris Elba; My Scandinavian Sweetie, Alexander Skarsgård (Ben, we know, we know); and a new personal discovery, Jack Huston. I came back from a run and he was wearing this beautiful blue get-up and I mumbled, OKAYYYY to myself.

Note: Carmelo Anthony, boyyyy, you the ace of the evening. LaLa was constantly reaching for you bc she couldn’t move without your help and you were always there for her. What a great hubby. It was sincerely cute and human to watch. A guy standing next to me said, “Who’s that guy–he’s HUGE. Jesus, he’s so tall!” I couldn’t believe it. I replied, “He’s a basketball player. The Knicks. Small Forward. They’re married.” I still don’t know how to describe my disappointment–a grown-ass man living in New York and not knowing who Melo is…

Leave a Reply